Thirty Days Before My Alpha Lost Me Forever

Before my twenty-first birthday, pack law required me to name a First Guardian. In the Blood Moon Pack, most wolves chose a parent. Some chose their future mate. My parents had died years ago, so I wrote down Alpha Ivander—the adoptive father who had taken me in when I was thirteen and raised me as his own. The next day, he returned the form. “Choose someone else.” Before I could ask why, he spoke again, his voice cold and distant. “I’ve taken care of you for years, Lina, but I’m still your adoptive father. Whatever feelings you think you have for me are inappropriate.” It took me a moment to understand. He thought I was in love with him. From that day on, Ivander withdrew every privilege he had once given me. He revoked my access to the Alpha’s estate, blocked our private mind link, and ordered his assistant never to report anything about me to him again. I tried to see him once, hoping to explain, but the guards stopped me at the gate. “Alpha Ivander gave us direct orders. He doesn’t want to see you.” After that, whenever we crossed paths in the territory, he turned and walked away. Six months passed. Then I was diagnosed with Wolf Spirit Decay. The healer told me there was no cure. I had no more than thirty days left to live. Chapter 1 I didn’t want Ivander’s cold expression to be the last memory of him I carried into death. So I agreed to give Eric, the mate candidate Ivander had chosen for me, a chance. Once I did, Ivander finally stopped avoiding me. For the first time in months, he spoke to me willingly. “How are things between you and Eric? Have you decided when to hold the bonding ceremony?” “They’re going well. We’re still discussing the date.” The simple conversation nearly brought me to tears. It had been so long since Ivander had spoken to me this gently that I wanted to hold on to the moment for as long as I could. “We want pink roses everywhere,” I told him. “Even my wedding dress will be pink, with a long train.” The smile disappeared from his face, but I didn’t notice. I kept describing the bonding ceremony I had dreamed of until he finally interrupted me. “Before that day comes, remember this: I will always be your adoptive father, and you will always be family. You can come home whenever you want.” His gaze moved around the room, and only then did he notice how many of my belongings were gone. “You’ve already decided to live with Eric?” “If you’re moving out, then go. I’ll have the staff replace whatever is missing.” The words lodged painfully in my chest. I pressed my lips together and looked away. “There’s no need. I don’t think I’ll be coming back.” A month from now, returning would no longer be possible. Eric was never going to receive any of my belongings. I had already sent everything to the house where I had once lived with my parents. After their deaths, only one loyal servant had remained there. When I returned, she would stay beside me through whatever time I had left. Ivander’s expression darkened. He had never liked hearing me talk that way, even as a joke. I quickly changed the subject. “What’s Daisy’s favorite color?” “Light blue. Why?” His voice turned cold again, and my heart tightened. He must have thought I was planning to hurt his future Luna. Instead of answering, I looked at the pink walls around us. When Ivander adopted me at thirteen, the estate had felt strange and frightening. I had missed my parents so badly that nothing could comfort me. Ivander had carried the paint into this room himself and covered the walls in my favorite color, doing everything he could to make this place feel like home. “I only wanted to prepare a surprise for you and Daisy.” He rejected the idea without even asking what the surprise was. “There’s no need. If Daisy wants something, she’ll tell me herself.” His eyes narrowed. “And did you really need to ask me that question three times?” Three times? Had I already asked him twice? No wonder he was suspicious. The healer had warned me that Wolf Spirit Decay would slowly erase my memories until nothing remained. It was already happening. I could barely remember how Ivander had once granted every wish I made, no matter how unreasonable, just to pull me out of my grief. I had also forgotten that Daisy, not me, was now the most important person in his life. As one of the highest-ranking Alphas in the wolf clans, Ivander could give her anything. If Daisy asked him for the stars, he would find a way to place them in her hands. After everything he had done for me, I only wanted to follow his example and make him happy once. Neither of us spoke again. Autumn had arrived, and the nights were growing colder. Since becoming ill, I had grown unusually sensitive to the temperature. After standing there for only a few minutes, I began to tremble. “It’s late. We should get some rest.” Before Ivander could respond, I hurried back to my room. By the following morning, my condition had worsened. I couldn’t remember anything—not even my conversation with Ivander the night before. Only my journal told me what I was supposed to do. “Buy paint.Prepare gifts.Return home in one week.” I followed the instructions and asked the servants to carry several buckets of light-blue paint into the room. That evening, Eric invited me to dinner. Since I had already chosen to leave, I wanted to be honest with him. “Eric, I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you.” I forced myself to meet his eyes. “I’m terminally ill. I could die at any time.” He stared at me in shock. “I’m going home,” I continued. “I want to spend whatever time I have left in the house where my parents loved me. No one knows about the diagnosis, and I want to keep it that way.” “Then Ivander doesn’t know either?” I shook my head. “He doesn’t. Please help me keep it that way.” I lifted the heavy bag beside me and placed it on the table. The moment Eric saw what was inside, he froze. Chapter 2 Inside the bag were property deeds, bank cards, and several pieces of expensive jewelry. “After I’m gone, please give all of this to Ivander on the day of his bonding ceremony.” Eric was Ivander’s closest friend. He was also the only person I trusted to do this for me. “Have you lost your mind?” he demanded. “How are you supposed to live without any of this?” Thirty days was the healer’s most generous estimate. I might not survive even that long. “Maybe I’ll die tomorrow. Maybe it will happen tonight.” I lowered my eyes with a faint smile. “Whenever it happens, I won’t need any of this. It should go to someone who still has time to use it.” I rested my hand on the bag. “Ivander gave me a home for eight years. This is how I want to thank him.” As if accepting my fate had unlocked it, a memory suddenly returned. Six months earlier, when I still couldn’t accept Ivander’s sudden coldness, I had sat outside his door every day. I cried while waiting for him to come home, hoping he would finally let me explain. Whenever he saw me, however, his expression only hardened. “When are you going to grow up, Lina? Crying outside my door won’t change anything. Stop humiliating yourself and go home.” At the time, those words had shattered me. Now they no longer hurt. Wolf Spirit Decay was taking my memories, but it was also loosening the hold those memories had on me. The pain was fading, and the love I had buried so deeply was disappearing with it. Perhaps that meant I could leave without regret. The memory slipped away again. I pushed the bag into Eric’s arms. “Ivander’s bonding ceremony is in one week. Please keep these safe until then.” Everything inside was the second surprise I had prepared for him. After dinner, I returned to Ivander’s estate and received a mind-link message from Helen. She had arranged everything I had sent to my parents’ house. All the house needed now was me. Most of the tasks in my journal were complete. For the first time since my diagnosis, I felt at peace. Over the next few days, I stayed at the estate and repainted the walls. Ivander was busy preparing for his bonding ceremony and didn’t return. Before I left, I wanted to see him one last time. We didn’t have to speak. I only wanted one final memory of him. The day before my departure, fate granted me that wish. Ivander came home. Before I could feel happy, pain tore through my body. My knees buckled, and I struck the floor hard enough for the sound to echo through the room. The crash brought Ivander to my door. I reached desperately for the pain-relieving potion the healer had given me, hoping to hide it before he came inside. My fingers had just closed around the bottle when the door opened. Ivander stepped into the room. Startled, I lost my grip. The bottle fell, shattered against the floor, and spilled the potion across the glass. Chapter 3 I used the last of my strength to stand. By the time I was on my feet, sweat covered my forehead. When the healer first told me I had no more than thirty days to live, I had considered telling Ivander countless times. I was afraid the truth would hurt him. I was even more afraid that it wouldn’t. I couldn’t bear either possibility, so I chose silence. Ivander studied me with suspicion while my heart pounded against my ribs. Then he gave a cold laugh, disappointment settling over his face. “You really haven’t changed. You pretended to accept my decision so gracefully that I almost believed you.” His gaze moved over me. “When this little performance didn’t get you the concern you wanted, you became disappointed.” He stepped closer. “Give it up, Lina. Nothing you do will make me cancel tomorrow’s bonding ceremony.” Tears filled my eyes. His words burned like a slap, but I still managed to smile. “You’re very clever, Ivander. If only you had come back a little later.” His expression turned colder. “What spilled on the floor?” “Water. It’s only water.” “Then why did you panic when I came in?” His gaze swept across the darkened room. When he reached for the light switch, I quickly moved between him and the wall. “I was about to go to sleep. You should get some rest too.” I held his gaze. “I hope your bonding ceremony goes well tomorrow.” His mouth twisted as though I had told him a joke. “Whether it goes well depends on you, doesn’t it?” I didn’t understand what he meant. His words only showed me how deeply he still mistrusted me. But if the ceremony truly depended on me, then it would go perfectly. I wouldn’t be there. The next morning, Ivander emerged in his finest ceremonial clothes. The sight of him stole my breath. I had imagined this moment countless times, although never like this. “You look handsome today.” The moment he saw me, his brows drew together as if he were already waiting for my next scheme. I didn’t give him one. I returned to my room and finished packing. When I had awakened that morning, my mind had been blank again. Fortunately, my journal was waiting beside my pillow. Only one task was written on the page. Leave quietly. I drank a dose of the healer’s potion, hoping it would keep my body steady long enough to reach my parents’ house. By the time I came downstairs, the entrance was crowded with the most influential members of the Blood Moon Pack. Ivander glanced at my plain clothes and lowered his voice. “You spent all that time upstairs. Why haven’t you changed into your ceremonial dress?” Before I could think of an excuse, his assistant reminded him that it was time to leave. Ivander looked at me once more. “You won’t make it into this car. Find your own way to the ceremony.” “Eric is picking me up.” It was a lie, but it was the quickest way to make Ivander leave without looking too closely at me. I kept my expression calm. His face remained unreadable, and I couldn’t tell whether my answer had relieved him or bothered him. Before I could decide, the waiting guests surrounded him and carried him toward the cars. “Today is the most important day of your life, Alpha,” someone called. “Why do you still look so serious?” Others joined in, urging him to smile. Ivander finally gave them a faint one before getting into the car. I watched from a distance. I truly hoped he would be happy. My fingers closed around the worn cord bracelet on my wrist, the only thing my parents had left me. “Mom, Dad, after today, Ivander will have a family of his own. I saw him this morning. He must be happy.” My voice trembled. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be with you soon.” A gentle breeze touched my face like a familiar hand. When everyone was gone, silence settled over the estate. I let myself cry for one final moment. Then I wiped my face, carried my luggage downstairs, and loaded it into the car. I was going home. The roads were packed with members of the Blood Moon Pack traveling to Ivander’s bonding ceremony. Everyone wanted to see the beautiful Luna he was about to claim. According to pack tradition, the more wolves who witnessed a bond, the more blessed the couple’s future would be. Everyone else was driving toward the ceremony. I was driving away. Traffic eventually came to a stop, forcing me to wait among the celebration-bound cars. Through my open window, I heard several wolves talking nearby. “Oh, Goddess, Ivander is so romantic. My brother is already at the venue. He says the entire place is covered in pink roses. The moment you walk inside, you can smell them everywhere.” “My parents just mind-linked me,” another woman said. “The Luna’s gown matches the roses, and it has a long train. Come on—we have to see it for ourselves.” Pink roses. A matching gown with a long train. It was exactly the ceremony I had described to Ivander. For one bewildered moment, I wondered why. Then I pushed the thought away. Whatever his reason was, it no longer had anything to do with me. When the road finally began to move, a young wolf approached my car and handed me a small bag. “Today is Alpha Ivander’s bonding ceremony. Every witness receives a gift.” I wasn’t going to witness anything, but I accepted the bag without explaining. Ivander must have gone to extraordinary lengths to make Daisy happy. I opened the bag and took out a cookie. The first bite stopped me. It tasted exactly like the cookies Ivander had made for me when I was young. He had never stepped inside a kitchen before, yet he had spent three days and nights learning how to bake them with his own hands. There would never be another. Before leaving the estate, I had placed a note on the table in my room. Ivander, thank you for taking care of me all these years. You don’t have to do it anymore. I hope my leaving gives you the happiness you deserve. I finished the cookie, shut down my mind link so no one could reach me, and tightened my hands around the steering wheel. Then I drove toward the only home I had left. I never looked back.