After I Repaid My Debt to the Alpha, He Begged Me Back

Seven days before our bonding ceremony, my fiancé, Alpha Cassian Vale, died. The patrol said he had fallen into Deadfall Gorge, where hunters had set silver traps. All they brought back was a bloodstained badge. The elders blamed me for everything. "If he hadn't gone to gather moonflowers for your bonding ceremony, the Alpha would still be alive!" "You're the jinx who brought death to your entire pack, and now you've killed our Alpha too!" Cassian's childhood friend, Vera Holt, sobbed as she crushed an echo stone, releasing a recording of his final words. "Eileen, don't come looking for me. Live a good life." I clutched the badge and went into Deadfall Gorge alone. I searched for three days and nights before a silver spike pierced my abdomen, forcing me to crawl back. On the fourth day, I dragged myself up the cliff, bleeding heavily. The moment I climbed over the stone railing at the cliff's edge, cheers erupted from the woods. Vera ran up to me, clapping and laughing until she cried. "I win! Cassian, she was actually stupid enough to go down there looking for your body!" The crowd parted, and Cassian walked out without a scratch on him. He turned to Vera first, his voice warm and indulgent. "Happy now? No more games after this." Vera hooked a finger under the wolf-fang necklace around her neck and smiled. "Don't I deserve some credit for proving how much she loves you?" "You do." Cassian smiled and nodded. "I was saving it for our bonding night. But if you like it, wear it for now." Only then did he hold out his hand to me. "Surprised? "Vera was upset that you'd stolen me from her. That's why I went along with it this once. "Now that you've passed the test, we'll bond in three days, as planned." I looked at the two of them and finally understood. The fall was fake. The last words were fake. The only real things were my dying she-wolf and the wound in my stomach. I knocked his hand away and hurled the bloodstained badge at his face. "Cassian, I went down into that gorge to repay you for saving my life all those years ago. "Now we're even. The bonding is off." 1 The badge cut a bloody line across Cassian's cheekbone. He wiped at the cut and actually laughed. "Good aim. "Call it off? Eileen, you've had your outburst. Once is enough." He bent down, picked up the badge, wiped it on the hem of his shirt, and tossed it back to me. "Keep it safe. You'll need it on bonding day." The young werewolves behind him joined in, jeering. "Since when does a jinx get to turn down an Alpha?" "She crawled around down there for three days, shouting Cassian's name the whole time. We heard her loud and clear from up here." "She sounded so pathetic. Vera even did an impression for us." Vera cleared her throat and pitched her voice high and thin. "Cassiaaan, where aaare you?" The crowd doubled over laughing. Blood kept running from the wound in my stomach. My wolf curled up inside me, too weak even to whimper. Suddenly Vera reached into my blood-soaked collar and pulled out a flower. Its silver-white petals shimmered in the morning light. "A moonflower? You actually found one." I had found it on my second day in the gorge. I'd meant to lay it on his grave once I recovered his remains. Cassian glanced at it. "That's for our bonding. Vera likes it, so let her play with it for now." I reached for it. "That's my..." Vera twisted out of reach and tucked the flower behind her ear. "Your what? Something you picked for a dead man?" Everyone laughed. I drew my hand back and closed it around the silver spike I had just pulled out of my stomach. The tip was new, and I recognized the scent on it. It belonged to Vera's followers. "Those silver spikes at the mouth of the gorge were only recently planted there." I looked at Cassian. "To make your little act more convincing, you buried real silver spikes in the gorge." Vera's smile froze for a second. Cassian frowned. "Vera's people will go collect them. Stop making a scene." Vera abruptly clutched her left arm, the color draining from her face. "Cassian, my old injury's acting up again." There was a faint silver scar on that arm. Everyone in the pack said Vera was a silver healer blessed by the Moon Goddess. No one knew better than I did how that scar had really healed. Cassian immediately bent and swept her up into his arms. "I'll take you home first." Vera rested her head on his shoulder and deliberately swung the wolf-fang necklace in front of me. That fang had fallen out the first time he shifted. By pack custom, a wolf gave it only to the one they intended to bond with. Cassian took two steps, then looked back at me. "You've always been strong. You can make it back on your own, can't you? "Next time, don't take it so seriously. It was just a joke." He didn't wait for my answer. The crowd drifted off after him. I was the only one left in the woods. I closed my eyes and reached for the thread in my mind that bound me to him. All these years, every time he called through it, I answered. This time, I cut it myself. Far away, Cassian faltered mid-step. I didn't wait any longer. One painful step at a time, I made my way back to pack territory by myself. On the way, I ran into a few pack members out early. One look at my blood-soaked clothes, and they steered clear. "The jinx has upset the Alpha again." "Stay away from her. You'll catch her bad luck." I leaned on the trees for support. Twice I fell, and twice I got back up. Halfway there, a messenger crow landed on my shoulder. The note was in his handwriting. "Why aren't you answering me? "Quit being difficult. Vera's still shaken up, so I'm staying with her tonight." I crumpled the note, smearing it with my blood. When Marta, the elderly healer, opened the door and saw the state I was in, she went pale. She helped me onto the bed, then glanced back at me. "Should I send word to the Alpha?" I stared at the swaying lamp above me. "No. "I don't have an Alpha anymore." 2 Marta carefully extracted the fragments from my wound with a pair of silver tongs. I bit down on a cloth and didn't make a sound. But the wolf inside me was trembling. Marta pressed a hand to my chest, over my wolf's heart, and held it there for a long time. "The silver poison has reached her heart. "You've been absorbing silver poison from others for years, and it's been building up inside her. This last spike pushed her past her limit." She looked at the shelf by the wall. On it sat a small clay jar holding 36 silver beads. She didn't go on. "Only a moonflower can draw the silver out." I closed my eyes for a moment. "Vera is wearing the moonflower in her hair." Marta sent Quinn, her apprentice, to the Alpha's house. Quinn came back red-faced. "He said the flower's for the bonding. Eileen will see it in three days." Quinn hesitated, then went on even more quietly. "And Vera said, 'Her wolf's dying? She had plenty of strength a minute ago when she was throwing things at people.'" Marta threw the silver tongs into the copper basin. "I'll go see him myself." She was gone for two hours. I lay in bed and felt myself growing colder, little by little. When Marta came back, all she had in her hand was a single petal. "The Alpha's helping Vera try on her gown. He wouldn't see me. "Vera tossed this out through the door." Her voice was shaking. "She said, 'Have a petal on me. Think that's enough to save a wolf?'" A moonflower only worked if it was used whole. A single petal was useless. The room fell silent. I thought back to ten years ago, when hunters burned my family's pack to the ground. Cassian had carried me out of the ruins on his back. He was only 15, his face smeared with ash. "Don't be scared. From now on, I'll protect you." Later, on the anniversary of my mother's death, Vera said she'd had a nightmare. He said he'd just go sit with her for a little while. But by the time the sun came up, he still hadn't come back. "Marta." My voice came out hoarse. "Write down every detail of my injuries. "And certify it with your seal." Marta looked at me for a long time, then turned to fetch a sheet of parchment. At nightfall, the crow came again. "We bond in three days. "Miss the ceremony, and you can kiss your chance of becoming Luna goodbye." Marta looked at me. "Are you going to say yes?" I thought about the last ten years. Whenever he ditched me for Vera, he'd come back, tell me to stop making a fuss, and I'd act like nothing had happened. So he never worried. He knew I'd always wait for him, swallow my hurt, and eventually come around. I borrowed Marta's pen and wrote just one word. "Fine." The crow flew away. I knew what kind of answer he wanted. On the bonding night, when the moon rose, the Alpha's wolf would howl. The bride's wolf was supposed to answer him. In three days, he would get my answer. After midnight, my wolf started convulsing. Silver poison seeped from her heart, slowly turning my fingertips black. Marta ground the petal up and fed it to me. It did nothing. She tried three more medicines. None of them worked. I curled up in pain, but I never once cried out. I was afraid that if I made a sound, she'd be even more scared. Just before dawn, my wolf slowly stirred within my chest. She licked me, very gently. It was the way my mother used to soothe me to sleep when I was little. By the time the moon slipped below the horizon, she had gone still. I pressed a hand to my chest. Something inside me was gone. From that moment on, there was only me inside my body. Wings fluttered outside the window. The crow was back on the windowsill with his reply. "Good girl." 3 The day before the bonding ceremony, I returned to Cassian's house. The carved wooden wolf my mother left me was still there. It was the only thing that had survived the fire that destroyed my home. The bridal room was already decorated. All my belongings had been shoved into a wooden chest and left by the door. Vera was standing in front of the mirror in the bonding gown that should have been mine. The moonflower was still tucked behind her ear. It had already withered. The petals had curled up and turned brown, like burned paper. Cassian was leaning in the doorway. When he saw me, he raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so pale? Still putting on a show?" Vera lifted her skirt and twirled. "How do I look? Cassian said I get to rehearse the ceremony tomorrow for you. "And if you're still throwing a tantrum, I'd be happy to take your place for real." A few people nearby chimed in. "Just wait until tomorrow. There's another test coming." "He'll announce in front of everyone that he's bonding with someone else. Then let's see how sorry she is." Cassian didn't stop them. I dug the carved wolf out from the bottom of the chest. One of its legs had been snapped off. Part of a shoeprint was still visible across the broken edge. Vera caught sight of it in the mirror and hid a laugh behind her hand. "Oops. Was that me? "It's just a worthless piece of junk. Who'd want it anyway?" I ignored her. I held the wooden wolf in my hand and looked up at Cassian. "Cassian, my wolf is dead." For a moment, the room went silent. Then Vera burst out laughing. "Did you hear that? "We tricked her into thinking Cassian was dead, so now she's trying to trick us into thinking her wolf is dead. "She learns fast." The whole room laughed. Even Cassian smirked. "Nice try, Eileen. We've already pulled that stunt. "If you're really sick, I'll have Marta check on you after the ceremony tomorrow. "Be there at moonrise. Don't be late." I looked at the withered flower behind Vera's ear. "That flower could have saved her." Vera reached up and touched it. "Oh, it's all dried up. "Well, why didn't you say something sooner?" She turned and dug a small wooden box out of the chest. It was the gift I had planned to give Cassian on our bonding night. The box was supposed to hold the clay jar. I'd removed it beforehand. All that was left was a card. Vera read it out loud. "The first one is you." She snorted. "The first what? The first heart? How cheesy." She tore the card in half and handed it to Cassian. Cassian glanced at it and tossed it into the brazier. "Throw it out." Flames licked at the corners of the paper. I didn't try to grab it. He would never know what the first one was. And he didn't deserve to know anymore. I walked out the door holding the wooden wolf. Cassian's voice followed me. "Eileen, come back when you're done throwing your fit. "The rest of the pack thinks you're a jinx. They can't get away from you fast enough. Where else could you go besides here?" I stopped for a second. "I have plenty of places to go. "I only stayed because of you." He scoffed, turned, and went back inside. No one stopped me. I went to see Gideon, the elder in charge of enforcing pack law. I placed the silver spike and Marta's certified report of my injuries on his desk, along with my formal request to leave the pack. Gideon read everything and was quiet for a long time. In the end, he pressed his seal onto my release papers. "At moonrise tomorrow, your release takes effect." I left an echo stone with Marta. That night, a crow landed on my windowsill. His note was tied to its leg. "The bridal room is ready. Don't be late tomorrow." I left the note tied to its leg. The crow stayed on the windowsill all night. At dawn, it flew away on its own. 4 On the day of the bonding, I sat beside the boundary stone at the edge of pack territory. My release wouldn't take effect until the moon rose. I only had to wait a few more hours. At noon, the first crow came. "Still throwing a fit?" At dusk, the second arrived. "Come back before moonrise, and I'll pretend none of this ever happened." The third came in a hurry, its feathers ruffled. "I'll overlook your little tantrum this once. "But if you dare humiliate me in front of the whole pack, don't ever come back." I looked at that last line. Ten years ago, he had carried me out of the fire on his back and said he would protect me from then on. Ten years later, the one he protected was standing on the altar in my gown, wearing his fang. I didn't bother opening any of the messages that followed. I untied the notes from their legs one by one and threw them into the fire. Just before dark, one of Vera's followers, Silas, rode up looking for me. He reined in his horse and looked down at me from the saddle. "The Alpha sent me to bring you back. "Vera's already up on the altar in your gown. The Alpha says if you don't come now, he'll bond with someone else." He snorted. "Vera says you're just copying us. You're faking a death and waiting for the Alpha to come beg you back. "The Alpha thought that was hilarious. "He says you'll crack soon enough and come running back to him." He snapped his whip down at my feet. "If you go back now and get on your knees and beg, it's not too late." I looked down at the fire. I threw the last note into the flames. "Go back and tell him. "When the moon rises, I'll give him my answer." He swore at me, turned his horse around, and rode off. The hoofbeats faded. I placed my mother's wooden wolf on the boundary stone and rubbed at the shoeprint on its broken leg with my sleeve. With one leg missing, it couldn't stand on its own. It rested crookedly against the stone. Just like me. Night fell. Far up on the mountain, the fires around the altar merged into a single glow. Faint drums and cheers drifted down to me. The moon rose from behind the mountain. The next moment, a wolf's howl swept through the whole forest, all the way to the border. It was Cassian's wolf. The year I turned 16, my wolf woke up inside me for the first time. Cassian had brought me to this very cliff and taught her how to raise her head and howl. "Whenever I call, this is how you answer me," he'd said. For years, she answered every time he called. Even when he was calling me away for someone else, she still answered. Over the years, I had imagined that one howl on our bonding night more times than I could count. I had imagined how my she-wolf would lift her head, how she would answer him with everything she had. Now I pressed a hand to my chest. There was nothing there. Nothing stirred but my heartbeat. No whimper. No answer. I tilted my head back, opened my mouth, and tried to imitate her howl. But all I managed was a faint, raspy breath. Humans can't howl like wolves. The howl came again. Longer than the last one, and more desperate. Still no one answered him. The third howl broke off halfway. On the mountaintop, the drums stopped too. The moon climbed high overhead. I knew Marta had stepped onto the altar and crushed the echo stone before the entire pack. "My wolf is dead. She died three days ago, when the moon set. "Cassian, this isn't another test." I picked up my mother's wooden wolf, crossed the pack border at the boundary stone, and didn't look back.